The making of..."Tester"

I’ve never been good with change. I like things to stay.

On Tester’s opening night, I remember sitting up in the furthest corner of the house I could possibly sit, thinking to myself that I wasn’t sure whether I wanted the performance to already be over, or if I didn’t want it to ever begin. Wondering if the beginning of something always somehow signifies an eventual end. Because we had worked so hard.

Everyone involved in this production worked so hard. Going straight from working all day long to working all night long. Learning how to seize. How to punch. How to straight-razor shave. How to stand so long and so tall and so beautifully on the tip of your toes. How to keep a dark world lit in silhouette. How to precisely record the sound of heartbreak. How to build the pieces of a house that would never truly become a home. How to explain to people that, here – in this dim, broken place – violence shows itself as love.

Because we had worked so hard. And whether I liked it or not, the chairs filled themselves with people, the lights went out, and I watched and listened as they seized and punched and shaved and danced on their fucking toes right along with us.

So, here I am.  On the eve of Tester’s closing weekend, sitting in a corner of my own house, not wanting it to end. Because this is something that I’ll never forget. This is something that will stay. And I think this is something that’s changed me.

Join us this weekend.

TO BOOK YOUR TICKETS CALL 773-296-6024 OR PURCHASE ONLINE AT viaducttheater.com

 

 

 

Read about Tester in the Daily Herald this Friday...!

http://www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=247949

So I was laying in bed one morning listening to an An Horse CD that I put in my alarm clock cd player. It's been in there for a few months now and every morning this trusty piece of 10+ year old equipment sounds two alarms: the cd playing and the radio. Some morning, either it's so loud or I'm so cranky or a little of both that I just reach over and shut it off when it starts to play either. Even some occasional snooze button action, perhaps. But some mornings, I don't need to be up with the alarm, and the volume is pleasant enough that it can play without disturbing me from enjoying myself. That, and the first song on the CD just BLARES when it plays with these really driving drums, so it just so happened that I accidentally put a CD in there with a fucking great, driving drum beat and piercing guitar that on mornings that I really need to get out of bed, that song is energizing enough to help. In other words, it's not a soft, quiet, song, which is a different wake up experience. But I digress.

So I am laying in bed one morning that the volume isn't too offensive, or I turned it down or something, and opted for the CD to play on vs. the radio. I was comfortably semi-conscious, drifting in and out of sleep as the CD plays not just the first notes of the first song(though sometimes the CD starting to spin is enough to wake me up,) but through the rest of the CD, which does happen often. This particular morning, though, I'd made a connection with the music I hadn't before. I don't remember which came first, thinking about the play as this specific portion of the song played, or if my ears caught the lyrics and then made the connection.....

The entire lyrics are below, (I did my best to transcribe them, although some of them at the end might be slightly off due to bad speakers and also I couldn't tell if they were dubbing not just two different notes but two different words over one another, or if they were just saying something I couldn't comprehend. Anyway, they are there at the end. Now, what I interpret from this song may or not be what the artist intended as they wrote it, but it is the meaning and interpretation that I draw from the art at this particular moment. It's a fine use for art: to experience, to inspire, to connect, to enjoy, and in doing so, live life, literally. As in, pass time. But I digress.

What REALLY caught my attention this particular morning is that some of the lyrics repeated in the song are exactly words that my character, Hamlin, speaks. "Dance for me." Different contexts, of course, i.e. this song vs. Tester, but are the same words nonetheless and my brain kind of jolted and connected to Hamlin as I listened to this song. I heard one voice reaching out to another, calling for relief, and while it was unclear whether the person actually got what they were calling for, that they DO draw relief from nature itself, something never meant to give relief but somehow does being magically independent of referenced trauma. The song is called "Shoes Watch" by this band out of Australia called "An Horse." Their whole sound is great: it's two people, male drummer/second vocal and female guitar/lead vocal. The things these two do with these instruments and their voices are really, truly phenomenal and hella cool to see live. It's really cool to listen to; their voices sound so clear together and it's really odd to think that the sounds are coming from just these two people and how they are using the instruments and gear!! I love the full sound they produce using so little, it's so efficient! Kickin' ass with half a glass, as they say. Because if a full glass is like four band members with a bass and say a guitar, drummer and singer, then half a glass would definitely be two people pulling double duty enough to put a full glass to shame, because this glass, my friends, as John McCain likes to say, is half fucking full and that is for sure. In some of their songs(I mean they aren't ALL this exact feel) but the drums are SO strong!! The drums have this driving intensity and the guitar is just as strong with a combination of effects and clever fingerings, and two vocals with great harmonies singing intelligent, complex lyrics having not just conceptual but also technical expertise. For example, conceptually, not only do some of the lyrics talk about the lengths that someone will go to in order to protect themselves emotionally, but some of the songs on the album also speak of giving into those feelings, making one's self emotionally vulnerable to others, desiring some type of connection with others.... and then technically, for example, this particular song I'm writing about has lyrics that when read on paper like a poem almost looks like frickin' Shakespeare! I fooled around with the punctuation below but specifically the phrase "Oh!" has been used as a cry of overwhelming emotion. Shakespeare will often use "O!" or "Oh!" to add a syllable, as a vehicle for a character's release, or both or otherwise... unknown if the artist knew how genius they were being with the work, but anywho, this brings me back to the song that I am writing about.

Like I said before, art may be intended to be perceived a certain way, but perception of the viewer can change and from a different perspective or lens to look at life through... I'm not saying that my interpretation of this song is "THE" interpretation or even that it's a good interpretation, but it's *my* interpretation right now as it relates to Tester which is opening one week from today!!! Woo hoo!! So I'm laying in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, and suddenly I hear these Hamlin-esque lyrics and cries coming out of the song and I nearly melted. I felt the connection burning inside me. It was kind of trippy. But cool, no doubt.

As Hamlin demands personal attention from Lulu, as he commands that she dance for him, and ONLY for him at a volatile spot in the play, he is crying out in a similar way that the protagonist in "Shoes Watch" cries out, although truth be told, this song isn't about a marriage or a family, at least explicitly, to me. I definitely see the protagonist in a relationship with some things, either people or emotions, but not quite like marriage or family as is the case in Tester.

But it IS about, to me right now, a person coming to the moment their life has built to, a crux, a crossroads, with another person in their life. "Oh my love! It has come to this!" And the fact that the lead line in each verse is structured the same but slightly different adds levels to the song which I really like.(Oh my my vs. Oh my luck vs. Oh my love) almost that a threshold is being reached and the 'dam is about to break,' so to speak... that someone is at their limit or that the circumstance have gone way beyond anyone's expectations.... which is the case with Hamlin and Dinah. I feel they believe their lives are spinning out of control and they are both attempting to create the lives they want for themselves, but are torn with how to actually create the change they want to see. I'll try to take a few specific quotes from the lyrics and write a little about how it all gels together....

"It's such a small town"
This image says to me that life is basically what you get. If you have ever lived in a small town or ever felt discontent and that there was more life somewhere that you just didn't have in yours, then maybe you have a good idea of what I'm talking about... that there is no escaping, and life has it's limits...

"What goes aways comes around"
A nice play on a colloquialism, and next to the idea of a small town it shows how in a small town, everyone knows everything about everyone, in a way...

"There's crows in the tree and they're singing for me"
"The crows sing so sweetly"
Also when compared next to the image of a small town, or inescapable life, a crow is a bird that may not be the beautiful song bird that some poems reference when talking about birds singing, but it is a strong bird, nonetheless. A solemn bird. A darker bird for a protagonist in a darker circumstance. And a bird singing is still a beautiful sound, is it not? A sound of nature, a sound coming from a life 100% seperate from the life being led by that person within that small town... that a crow exists in a completely different world, yet the crow and person actually live and exist within that same small town/geographic area. Their worlds are so different, yet they live in the same world. And those crows are gonna sing either way, because that's what crows fucking do, right? And living in what you think is a dull, boring life, sometimes you've got to wonder if you hear that crow and question how such a thing could sing even though things seemed so wrong in the world. As if as you are crying, the crow singing, so to speak. Hearing that crow's song as you 'cry' (cry literally or metaphorically crying out) makes you see into life that is different from yours, to provide a strange solace in a time of need. "Well each bird's song/in the dusk before the dawn(which is a great use of poetic gold, "dusk before the dawn" are you fucking kidding? what a cool way to talk about night)/Made me strong when I was far from." Perhaps taking note of the crows singing was the start of one shifting their perspective to see the world outside of their relative viewpoint, and then maybe coming back to look at their own life differently, maybe even more positively.

So to me, clearly the protagonist in Shoes Watch has gotten to a limit, and either willfully gone or pushed beyond their comfort zone with another person be it friend or lover, reaching a threshold they must take notice of... Which you could say about all four characters in Tester, that they are nearing their limits and they must take note. Yet, in this seemingly hopeless existence, the protagonist in Shoes Watch sees wonderful, beautiful things around, even if they aren't really for them, they almost could be just for them, because it would feel better if they were, anyway. They call out to the beauty they see, they reach for it, they exclaim it! Much like the four characters in Tester reach out to the things that 'turn them on' emotionally, or give them strength. But unlike Shoes Watch, in Tester it is made clear that the results aren't always or consistently positive. As the protagonist in Shoes Watch calls out to the beauty it sees to 'dance' as if by seeing the dance it would cure it's ailing, so too does Hamlin cry out to Lulu, "Dance for me!" as he craves the relief that he believes the metaphorical or literal "dance" would bring. I don't know. But I've got this feeling in my gut that says just like the protagonist in Shoes Watch, Hamlin's cried out before, and he might have heard a few crows singing himself. Lord knows he needs them.




"Shoes Watch"

by

An Horse



Oh! My, my! Oh, my! My! It has come to this!
Oh! My, my! Oh, my! My! It has come to this...
Well, it's such a small town,
and what comes aways goes around,
and there's crows in the tree, and they're singing for me.
There's crows in the tree, and they're singing for me.

Oh, my luck! Oh! My luck! It has come to this!
Oh, my luck! Oh! My luck! It has come to this!
There's skeletons around,
and they dance when the sun goes down
on rooftops where shoes just watch...
on roofttops where shoes just watch.

Come on, dance for me!
Come on! Dance for me
The crows sing so sweetly...
the crows sing so sweetly...

Oh! My love! Oh, my love! It has come this!
Oh! My love! Oh, my love! It has come this!
Well, each bird's song, in the dusk before the dawn,
They made me strong when I was far from.
They made me strong when I was far from...

Come on, dance for me!
Come on! Dance for me!
The crows sing so sweetly!
The crows sing so sweetly!

Dance for me!
Come, and dance for me!
The crows sing so sweetly...
In the place where you used to be...

Dance for me!
Dance for me!
In the place where you used to be,
In the place where you used to be.

Repeat



Nick Ferrin

A long, long time ago, in another world called: Champaign/Urbana, I was a girl of 19 auditioning for my first real-college play. It was Ten Little Indians by Agatha Christie, and it was being produced by Parkland College. I was newly enrolled in Acting 101, and I was head over heels for “the Theatre.” Naturally, I wanted to get the leading role. However, I hadn’t really given the script an honest read… I simply saw that there were 7 male roles and 3 female roles (typical). An old lady, a housekeeper/cook, and Vera Claythorne. I wanted to be Vera Claythorne. I wanted to wear pretty costumes, say a lot of lines, and be the object of desire of the male lead. The subject matter of the play, and Vera’s purposeful action in it, were…well, rather vague to me. As you may have already guessed, I was not cast in that play. Time passed, I took more classes and I attended more auditions. I learned how to read a script and analyze it for its action and themes. I was cast in minor roles at first, and moved on to juicier roles as I gained more experience. Looking back on the first two or three audition experiences in my life… I don’t really judge that young girl who desired to be in a play for the spotlight and the applause. Hell, who doesn’t want to be adored? I still do! My relationship with “the Theatre,” however, deepened. What started as a crush turned into true love. “The Theatre” and I have moved beyond pretty costumes and applause… and we now appreciate each other with bed-head, morning breath and all.

So, what happened? I began to see the larger purpose of the theatre, of course. As with any romance, I had to get over the shock that it wasn’t “all about me.” I began to see what a profound effect a play can have on an audience… and I started making thoughtful choices. First of all, I stopped auditioning for every role that I saw in PerformINK. I’m not right for most of them, and quite frankly, not all scripts are worthy of being produced. If I feel strongly about a show, I’ll find a way to be a part of it. The backstage positions in the theatre such as designing, directing, and working with the crew provide, in my opinion, some of the most vital and enriching tasks that the theatre has to offer. (BTW, that’s a huge nod to the writers and stage managers of the world. My undying gratitude and admiration to all of you…) Fact is, some stories need to be told, and sometimes I feel the need to be a part of them. And that brings me to Jennifer Dobby’s Tester.

The world of this play is harsh, cold, and often unforgiving. As our director puts it: “This play is a brick to the jaw.” She ain’t kiddin’. Most of us would, I assume, look at a play about a desperate man who sells wrapping paper out of the trunk of his car, a former ballerina turned prostitute, a barber-shop owner wannabe, and a 20 year-old paraplegic albino and think, “Wow. This play has nothing to do with me. I don’t know these people!” Or, perhaps you DO know a former ballerina or an albino, but that, of course, is not the point. I would be willing to bet that there has been a time in your life when you felt a little desperate though, or bitterly disappointed… or even hopeless? And, sometimes that pit of despair felt bottom-less, didn’t it? Well, I kinda like to think that Jenn went in search of the bottom of that pit with a flashlight and a journal to record her findings. She found Hamlin, Dinah, Lulu and Jimmy down there, and she brought them to the stage to introduce them to you. And, because she was thorough in her investigation, she found some compassion, humor and burgeoning love down there, too. Those are the treasures she brought back to “remind us that nothing is ever stuck one way.”

Last spring I met a wonderful person named Amy Dunlap, and she shared a personal story with me that related to her own relationship with “the Theatre.” She told me that a former professor of hers at Boston University placed a rather formidable, yet honorable, responsibility on her shoulders and the collective shoulders of her classmates in the MFA Acting program. He told them, that as theatre artists, they are “Ambassadors of Empathy.” Think about that for a second.
Ambassadors. Those are people who go to other countries and introduce the culture, language and views of their native land to that “new” country. So, if I’m an ambassador for Dinah, then the audience is the country that I am bestowing these new or unfamiliar ideas upon. And it is my responsibility to bring these gifts to you with Empathy. Now, the way I understand “empathy” is as follows: I achieve empathy when I can put myself into another person’s shoes, so to speak, without judging that person’s thoughts or actions. It is my responsibility to understand the circumstances fully, and convey them to you without pity or condemnation… so that you, too, may understand. According to Wikipedia, Empathy “is the capacity to recognize or understand another's state of mind or emotion. It is important to note that empathy does not necessarily imply compassion. Empathy can be 'used' for compassionate or cruel behavior.” That’s what a story like Tester deserves: dedicated Ambassadors of Empathy.

As I said before, some stories need to be told. It’s not what makes us different from Dinah, Hamlin, Lulu and Jimmy that is important here… but how we are the same. What connects us? Perhaps, for me, it’s the need to connect to another human being and know that they may share the same fears that I have and that Jenn articulates so beautifully in her script:

“I’ve wanted to be a _(insert your dream here)_ ever since I was six years old.
Maybe I’m never going to get to be one. Maybe we can sit and dream
and work hard and have it never pay off. So what do we do, then?
What do we do then to have a house and food and the things we want
that will never get us what we need? Even if we tried? We settle.”

So, it’s not only my responsibility, but my honor, to introduce you to Dinah… and fight like hell for her every night. Because Dinah’s not a “settling” type of girl.

June Eubanks (playing Dinah)

TO BOOK YOUR TICKETS CALL 773-296-6024 OR PURCHASE ONLINE AT viaducttheater.com